How often have we realized that I knew it back then something was wrong. but just did not recognize it. “Now, I can connect all the dots and see the complete picture”. We ignore the subtle cues around us and keep doing our thing. In the hope that things would get better. But things do not get better on their own. Things are to be made better. But the time we realize and recognize this, it is quite often too late! The harm is done, the damages are huge and its impact is not only on us but beyond. It reaches various dimensions of our lives and beloved people around us. However, I am a huge believer that nothing is beyond repair.
Many of us often do not acknowledge our feelings. If we do we just shrug it off telling ourselves some disillusioned stories and excuses. We just move on from one thing to another without acknowledging something negative or painful going out around us. But this running away from the feelings does not fix it or solves the problem. It just subsides it for some time.
Let’s look into a real-life example a personal experience from a slice of my life?? During my relationship with my ex. in the year 2014, I moved to the Netherlands to live with him. That was the fourth year of our relationship when we moved in together after a long distance of almost three years. When we moved in together after three years things were great for first ten days but slowly I found him fundamentally changed as a person. His behavior around me was not the same. I often did not feel the way I wished to around my partner. It went to a point where I would look at couples walking around, just sitting at the table, walking hand in hand or kissing each other. I would appreciate how beautiful it looked. But a sudden sadness would sink in me. I felt I would never feel the same in my relationship or even my entire life.
But after a few minutes, I would tell myself common “every couple is different. You do not need to compare. You do not know their story and what happens inside.” And then feel guilty about having such negative feelings at the first place and comparing my relationship and how unhealthy my thought process was. This went on for a year or so. Until one day my partner came to me saying he needs a separation because he does not love me anymore. That event was shocking to me my world fell apart and I could not get a grasp of the situation. However, after few months I did realize that the feelings of utter sadness that I felt looking at other couples was the sign already that I was not happy and something was not right about what was happening around me.
I just kept shutting up these feelings for a long time without doing anything about it, by telling my ownself false stories, excuses and lies. I think I was too scared to look inside myself or to recognize that there was a big problem. I just had a false hope and I did not recognize that there is no magic happening. By the time I could do anything my entire world was upside down. Today after two years I reflect back that I was maybe somewhere not brave enough to acknowledge my feeling and how it was affecting me. Maybe this was because it could show me a mirror or things that I did not want to see.
My years of experience with people from all across the world professionals, personal and coaching and guiding them. I know mine is not a unique story, there are several such stories and examples. Stories about how people always felt something was wrong with their health, work, family or relationship but they just felt and ignored it for a long time. Because it was not evident or visible as a problem on the surface. They just felt it would get fixed with time and it’s all momentary.
Steps to be fair towards your feeling!!
- Recognize your feelings: If you feel in a certain way you feel it. No matter how hard you try, this feeling will keep coming back to you. You can try to ignore it for some time but it does not work like that. Its a state of consciousnesses about your own emotions. Acknowledge it and accept it.
- Reflect on it: Once you have acknowledged it you need to reflect on why you feel in in a certain way. What makes you feel like that? What is the cause of certain triggers? There are certain negative ones which we would like to get rid of more and more in our life. Without the knowledge of what makes you feel the way you would like to and what triggers you off, you would never know. Once you recognize them or maybe its advisable to write them down.
- Ways Resolve it: If you know what is causing something. You know that cause needs a cure. Think about ways in which this cure could be resolved. think about different possibilities and remedies. take advice and talk to friends and family. give yourself time to identify which solution is best for you and will help you achieve what you want to.
- Fix it: Many times we know the solution. We know the answer we just do not do it. We keep waiting for a better moment, a stronger cause and chance. You know what that is never going to come. You need to tell yourself what is acceptable for your own self and draw the line to stop your miseries. whatever they might be?
We all deserve to feel right, good and happy. Everyone has their own unique set of feeling and the emotional zone where they would like to be most of the time. What is your zone?
Are you in that emotional zone? is not what can you do about it? If you then let us know how do you ensure to be in this zone? u8
Looking forward to interesting comments, stories inputs, and feedback.
Much love
Monstrous Monk !!