I have been one of those people who keep everything inside them and fight their battles alone. I rarely share what’s going inside me with friends and absolutely never with family.I have been best friends to many of my mates but for me I never had besties. Being close to people, knowing them, understanding their aspiration has been one of my passions and but sharing outright what’s within me has never been my strong suite. I have had friends with whom i could do craziest of stuff, advice them, lecture them, solve their problems or lend an ear to just listen to what they have to say. While I always go in my own shallows when things go wrong, probably it has a count with my sun sign. It really takes a lot of time to walk that extra mile and make true connection when I can be in a comfort zone to vent out.
However, for some this is just so simple, they who cannot hold back, they can smoothly open up and cry their heart out.
However, quiet often these kinds regret being too open than they would say it is such a boon. But people like me would argue it’s not such great fun and definitely not something I am proud of.
Life is strange and it comes with lots of up and downs. It is full of surprises both good and bad ones. All that goodness, success stories and happiness we can share with far too many people and that’s why you see social media is outshining with beautiful life portrayal of millions of people.Your friends, family and almost everyone we know of.
But sorrow, agony and failure comes with silence are experienced in our cold dark rooms alone. It’s something which we are often left to deal with alone and of course we do not want to change our glorified image on social media and that would of no help as well. And who wants to listen to our stories of pain, cry and anxiety each has his own. Hence, we are more alone and single minded when we are in the hook.
If you are person who finds it easy to share how you feel and your problems with people congratulations your life is not as dark of the ones who are just simply living a life in the world inside them. Most of these people have only one vent out or in extreme cases not even a single one.
The have spoken to a lot of people with similar traits, what I find common in all of them are dominated by feeling of fear. Fear to fail, loss of self acceptance and shame. The expectation from our own life is so high that people just fail to forgive themselves and suffer from the curse it brings along.
That’s why psychologists propose that we must try to create five strong living pillars in life with whom we can let loose and be who we really are. These pillars have to be people who know us, believe in us, who can see the light in us, when we cannot see it anymore. They are key to our life who inspire us to achieve the impossible and not squander hope in life.
5 reasons why those pillars are important
1. Ur not the only one with problems : A couple of years back I was in deep stress i was jobless, my personal circumsatnces did not allowed me to work and I felt I was so stuck. I was living with my parents with no clarity of what future is going to be and I thought what mess had I called upon myself. One day I was feeling lonely and I grabbed my phone to call a friend of mine because I just wanted to blabber it all out.. I shared with my friend how terrible I felt and how pathetic my situation was. Hearing my story my friend first smiled( I could feel it ) and she share her struggles. I found out that she had invested all her money to start a new company with a partner. She left a good job to pursue a business of her own. Just at the onset of this crucial time when she had already gone out far her business partner decided to join a more high paying and promising job he had from bank. So she was left alone with only her share of money amidst troubles both financial and mental.
I really felt sorry for my friend then, I spoke with others in the gang as well. And after all the conversation I was much more clearer in my mind that my life was not as miserable as I thought. People close to me have far more tricky problems which they need to handle as well. The conversation with my friends and their stories encouraged me to stop cribbing and dealing with the situation with a better perspective.
2.U get different perspective which you can trust: When we are in a crisis situation we often get fastened to one idea which our mind retains as the best approach or thought. We as human always have a tendency to get emotionally attached with ideas. But when we share these thoughts and speculate it with our pillars we have an opportunity to view it with fresh objectivity. It broadens our horizon and gives us an opportunity to have fairer reflections. Some of the best approaches and soltuions pop up while arguing with friends and brainstorming.
3.You feel better and more supported by the care you receive: Sometimes we just need some sympathy and care. The feeling that someone out there in this world believes and stands right next to us. If you mess up really bad you will be picked up, hugged, accepted and there would be no shaming. You can be yourself and you need not worry about judgement. As social animals we as human seek approval . If your 5 pillars are intact you are always going to feel on top of the world.
4.You no more feel dark in ur solitude: the pillars of your life do not just advice or support you but they are the building blocks of ur life. They back you up, nurture you and make you grow. They are the ones who believe in you and have faith in you as person. You know that when you cry their heart weeps and when you are happy their joy doubles. When you have such sources of strength in you life no matter when, where and what situation you are in. You will have blissful solitude because you know there are people who care.
5.If one pillar breaks you so u still stay intact: Most of us fall in trap of trusting one person who is the holder of your emotional support. All our inspiration, motivation and support comes from this one person who is our soul guardian of life. But god forbid when such support is lost our world starts to fall apart. But when you create these 5 pillars instead of four you ensure to have that you have enough security and support around you especially in situations where one pillar breaks loose. You still stand high with enough strength backed by the four pillars.
Remember with different stages in life these pillars can change. Just remember at any given time you have them to rely on.